Living with intense emotions can feel like being caught in a storm without a compass. One moment, the seas are calm, and the next, you are overwhelmed by waves of anger, sadness, or anxiety that seem to come from nowhere. This experience, often referred to as emotional dysregulation, can be exhausting and can profoundly impact your relationships, work, and overall sense of well-being. It is a common misconception that our emotional responses are fixed personality traits. The reality, however, is that managing emotions is a skill—one that can be learned, practiced, and mastered over time.
Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) provides a clear roadmap for this process through its Emotion Regulation module. This set of skills is designed to help you move from a state of being controlled by your emotions to one where you are in control of them. It is not about eliminating emotions, but rather learning how to experience them in a way that is less painful and more effective.
Step 1: Understanding and Naming Your Emotions
The first step toward regulating your emotions is to understand them. Emotions are not your enemy; they are sources of information. Think of an emotion as a “check engine” light for your mind. It is a signal that something needs your attention. When you feel anger, it might be signaling that a boundary has been crossed. When you feel fear, it might be alerting you to a potential threat.
DBT teaches you to get curious about your emotions instead of immediately judging or reacting to them. This involves a process of mindful investigation:
- Observing the Emotion: Noticing the feeling as it arises without trying to push it away or cling to it.
- Identifying the Prompting Event: What happened right before the emotion started?
- Recognizing Your Interpretations: What thoughts or beliefs are connected to the event?
- Noticing Physical Sensations: How does the emotion feel in your body? (e.g., a tight chest, a knot in your stomach).
- Understanding Your Action Urge: What does the emotion make you want to do?
By simply naming the emotion (e.g., “This is disappointment,” or “I am feeling shame”), you create a small but crucial space between the feeling and your reaction to it. This space is where the power to choose your response lies.
Step 2: Reducing Your Vulnerability to Negative Emotions
Before you can effectively manage difficult emotions in the moment, it is essential to build a strong foundation of well-being. When your physical state is compromised, your emotional resilience is significantly lower. DBT outlines a set of skills focused on building this foundation by taking care of your fundamental physical needs.
- Treat Physical Illness: Take care of your body. See a doctor when you need to, take prescribed medication, and manage any chronic health conditions.
- Balanced Eating: Avoid foods that make you feel sluggish or overly stimulated. Regular, nutritious meals help to stabilize your mood.
- Avoid Mood-Altering Substances: Using non-prescribed drugs or alcohol to cope with emotions can provide temporary relief but almost always leads to greater dysregulation in the long run.
- Balanced Sleep: Aim for a consistent amount of sleep that leaves you feeling rested. Sleep deprivation is a major contributor to emotional vulnerability.
- Exercise: Regular physical activity is one of the most powerful natural antidepressants and anti-anxiety treatments available.
Consistently practicing these skills makes you less likely to be knocked off balance by challenging events.
Step 3: Changing Unwanted Emotions in the Moment
Even with a strong foundation, painful emotions will still arise. DBT provides specific strategies for actively intervening to change them. One of the most powerful skills is Opposite Action.
Every emotion has a corresponding action urge. When you are afraid, your urge is to run or avoid. When you are sad, your urge might be to withdraw and isolate yourself. Opposite Action involves identifying this urge and then deliberately doing the opposite of what the emotion is telling you to do, but only when the emotion is unjustified or unhelpful.
For example, imagine you have social anxiety, and you have been invited to a gathering. Your fear is telling you to stay home where it is safe (the action urge). The Opposite Action would be to go to the gathering, even if only for a short time. By acting opposite to the emotion, you send a powerful message back to your brain that the situation is not actually a threat, and over time, this can reduce the intensity of the anxiety itself.
This skill is about courageously facing your emotions and choosing a path that aligns with your long-term goals, rather than one dictated by momentary fear or pain.
Take the Next Step Toward Emotional Mastery
Regaining control over your emotional life is a journey, not a destination. It requires dedication and practice, but with the right tools, it is entirely possible. The skills of Emotion Regulation taught in DBT provide a structured, evidence-based path toward building a more balanced and resilient life.
If you are ready to stop being a passenger on an emotional rollercoaster and start learning how to drive, we invite you to consider our program. DBT Saskatchewan is now forming a new online DBT Skills Group scheduled to begin in November 2025. This group provides a supportive, expert-led environment to learn and practice these transformative skills in-depth. We encourage you to contact our office for more information and to place your name on our interest list.
